I Don’t Want To!

I was visiting my daughter last month, and one morning, I came upstairs from her guest room, and (jokingly) whined to her, “I don’t want to!”

“You don’t want to do what?”

“Anything…I don’t want to!  That’s my life motto, my life’s verse, now. I don’t want to do anything!” 

She’s like, “Well, that’s encouraging!”  

I was totally being silly, but it actually gets me to thinking about something I was contemplating on my porch this spring.  I am going to basically copy/paste this stream of consciousness from my notebook from that day, so if it kinda rambles more than I even normally do, that is why: 

Revelation 1:8  “I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.” 

Philippians 2:10  “…that at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. “

In light of the end–all will see the Christ, all will bow and confess that He is Lord–it puts many obvious things into perspective which I won’t hash out now.  But the idea that all that happens in life–struggles, relationship drama, health problems, politics, and world events–all of this will run its course, and, in the end, all will go away, and what is left is God, on his throne, all truth revealed.  

This is so empowering to me, because it means that I can trust and not fear the present and future of events in my life, or even what is going on in my country and my world.  It might not all be smooth and peaceful, but I know what the last chapter looks like cuz I am reading the map.  

All I really want to do is to sit on my porch and drink coffee, enjoy nature, and paint.  But I have seen enough to be warned that sometimes things happen where you don’t get to just live out the rest of your days doing the things you love to do.  Sometimes you get sick and can only exist in pain and feeling like garbage, sometimes you have to help others while they suffer, sometimes you are called to battle, and sometimes the war around you is raging so that you cannot just sit and relax like you wish you could.

I am realizing that comfort and peace are idols to me, as evidenced by how I spend so much time worrying about losing them that, ironically, I sometimes don’t experience comfort and peace when I am given it!!  I currently am writing this while the woods in the yard are fully leafed out, it is 59 degrees, the birds are singing, the cat is sitting on top of my Bible, and the dog’s head is resting on my foot.  Seriously!!

I have this very moment of peace that is my actual favorite thing, yet I allow it to be tarnished by fears of the future. 

 I have no control over the events that must come to pass, either in my micro life, or the world’s happenings.  But, knowing the end–that God is the Alpha and Omega–I can trust and obey what he puts before me.  I can understand that I might have to wade through difficult waters, and that it all must run its course.  

Quotes from literature that capture this idea: 

From Lord of the Rings (J.R.R. Tolkien):  

“I wish it need not have happened in my time, Gandalf.” 

“So do I, and so do all who live to see such times.  But that is not for them to decide.  All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” 

From the Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis):

“I’d much rather go home.” (then later, another character says:  “no use your trying to choose… It isn’t a question of what we like or don’t like. It’s a question of what’s laid upon us.” 

A major theme in literature is The Hero’s Journey.  It is almost always about a character who would rather stay home, but realizes that, if they don’t leave to join the battle, the home they love won’t exist anymore.  It is about the reluctant one who is not necessarily a warrior, but steps up to the sense of duty when called upon.  

I just want to stay in the Shire and drink my tea, but God might call upon me to do something different.  One of my personal struggles is that I sometimes wring my hands over the future.  But the fact that God is still God, and He will always be God, reminds me that there are no obstacles for him, so in any obstacles I face, I can look up towards heaven and get my direction and strength through him.  

For today, I will be thankful for this beautiful morning, and trust the Lord for tomorrow.