Have you ever had a time in your life where you have felt out of sorts? Disconnected? Cynical, even?
Here is a little snippet I found in my personal notebook from a couple years ago:
“In the time around menopause, do people report a general feeling of “disconnectedness”? For the last, say, 5, even 10 years, I feel like all has been a whirlwind that I barely realize. I just don’t really feel like myself…like, I’m not really sure who I am. Not depression. I’m sometimes tired, I suppose, but not lethargic or anything.
For some years I didn’t even realize I was feeling this way until I looked back.
So much has happened, but it all feels like a blur. I have seen so many exciting changes: my kids branching into their adult lives, births of grandkids, and a move. I have also had some sad things happen, like the deaths of loved ones and a scary medical diagnosis.
So much has happened, but it sometimes just feels kind of like I am wandering. Wandering, and also being tempted to fall into cynicism, and just, well, feeling “meh.” I’m not mad or overly sad, I just have a flat emotional baseline.”
I did some research, and I found that a feeling of disconnectedness can be a very common experience in the menopausal years. This era in our lives is often characterized by extreme life changes– good and bad ones. Combine these big life milestones with wild physical and hormonal fluctuations, culminating in an abrupt loss of those same hormones, and it can really toss a girl around in a sea of confusion.
I think these sorts of feelings can happen to anyone, however, at any stage of life. You might be navigating a super busy time of life, a major change, a loss, or a season of numbness and find yourself feeling disjointed. Over the years, I have accidentally stumbled upon (though never mastered) some ideas that can help us find our footing again:
Understand that cataclysmic life changes can make you feel out of whack.
Whether they are beautiful and wonderful, or deeply sorrowful or scary, changes might be contributing to a real sense of disorientation, and they can alter our understanding of “who am I.” We might need some time to get our feet back under us.
Live out your purpose.
My roles were changing fast as my kids graduated, found jobs, moved out, got married, and had kids. Find ways to live out your own Core Values no matter what your circumstances. Our central values can guide us into doing the next right thing.
”Find out who you are and do it on purpose.” Dolly Parton
Do things that tend to make most people feel more grounded.
Get off your phone, engage in something creative, work on your house, learn something new, walk in nature, and listen to or create music.
Connect with others.
Even though I am naturally on the gregarious side, I also need time alone. But I am sometimes tempted to isolate myself from others. Solitude can be a time of refreshment, but if it morphs into isolation, we tend to start thinking weird stuff.
Serve others.
Look for tangible ways to lighten someone else’s load, or to strengthen them with encouraging words. Inspiring someone in the phase of life that you just completed, for instance, passes the value of your experience to another who might need support to keep going.
Lift up your eyes and notice.
Pay attention to the people God has put in your life right now. Your lives are temporary, and today could be your last day with them.
Reminisce.
Recount past events that have shaped your life into what it is today. How has God walked with you through it all?
Be flexible.
Things are changing, whether you like it or not. Don’t be an old grump and complain when you have to get your phone out and scan the QR code for the menu at your favorite restaurant. Just get over it. You can’t fight City Hall, so you might as well learn how to navigate it.
Spend time beholding the Lord.
Do this even if (especially if) you are feeling a little more spiritually dry and disconnected right now. God is still God, despite how you feel. The fact that God can stand up to my questions and doubts, and he is ever holding on to me, even if my hold falters, has been a source of deep reassurance for me.
Don’t get sucked into the drama.
Of course, we need to be responsible, informed citizens. But, don’t forget that no news or commentary source out there is really your friend. NONE OF THEM! They are not designed to inform us, but to make money from our outrage. I have witnessed people falling into major depression, wasting years of their lives, and alienating themselves from loved ones over news they cannot do anything about.
Pay attention to your health.
Get a checkup, polish up your diet, move your body, get enough sleep. If you are a woman, look into the new research on hormone replacement therapy (this will keep you from turning into a grumpy old man!).
We can’t always be on top of the world and happy and joyful, but trying some of these habits, even when when we don’t feel like it (because motivation follows action), can help us not be pulled into the vortex.
And, don’t forget to laugh!
