In my last post, I discussed how creating a set of Core Values for ourselves can help us make decisions that will help us live our lives to our fullest potential. Today I will share my process with you so you can see an example of how an average person might go about doing this.
If you do a search on “Core Values,” you will see lists of soooooo many: Humor, Accountability, Hope, Honesty, Simplicity, Self-Sufficiency … too many to list here.
When I set out to list out my Core Values, I did have a little bit of overwhelm. You are supposed to go through and write down a bunch of values that ring true with you.
And then you are supposed to simplify the list.
If you want a simple guide to drive your choices in life, you need a short, succinct list. Many sources suggest that you pare your list down to 5 or 6 clear words.
I am sorry, did you say 5-6? Single words?
I am pretty sure they meant to say 56. Yeah, “five-dee-six.” Fifty-six. Not “five to six.”
I like all of the words. I want to be all of them! Well, maybe I didn’t really like these specific words: Order, Self-Discipline, Risk Taking. Scary words there! Maybe not for me.
But, choosing just 5 or 6 from a humongous list of amazing traits/values to strive for was very difficult.
That’s what happens when I am given a menu of choices. (Don’t even ask my husband what it is like when we are at a restaurant.) My current pursuit of choosing a garbage can for my kitchen is exploding my brain. Too many choices on Amazon. Did you know you could get a garbage can that looks like R2D2? I am definitely leaning towards that one, even if it means that I have to take the garbage out every 30 minutes because it is small enough to sit on the counter.
I guess the idea is that, if the list is short and sweet, and you choose the right words, it will help you stay on the narrow path, or something.
I could not not do this. Not gonna happen.
But I did keep working, and I did, sort of, narrow mine down into 6 categories, each with about 3-5 words in them.
So, that’s like 20 words.
Oops, I guess I didn’t follow the assignment. But I feel like I was able to come up with a list that can truly help me guide my choices into the direction I’d like to be going.
So, here is a method you could try for narrowing down your Core Values:
1- Explore what you love. And what you don’t.
One of the things I did was to set the list aside and explore a few things about my own life. Somewhere in my reading, it was suggested to brainstorm some of your peak experiences in life. What made them so wonderful, and how does this relate to your values?
I will run down some of the things I thought about. A huge rule I have for myself in this blog is to not be all self-focused and ramble on about my life (except if it has the potential to help someone else). You don’t have time for that. But I thought that taking you through my own convoluted process might spark your own ideas.
I remembered times with my mom and dad, all the fun times goofing around with my sisters, my wedding, the birth of my kids, homeschooling my kids, raising my kids, drinking coffee on Saturday mornings with my hub and teenagers, goofy times with my friends playing games like Quelf–while our collective 10-15 little kids destroyed the host house and went to bed too late. This seems to reveal that I value deep relationships, fun and laughter, and serving with loyalty and dedication, even when it is hard.
I thought of the times I enjoy the most: sitting on my porch, the beach, the forest, by my pond, camping, being outside, watching animals, being with animals. One of the most amazing times in my life was when my daughter and I spent a couple of years being able to groom and ride horses at our friend’s barn. These things showed me that I love the peace and beauty of nature.
I love to get out my microscope, learn new medical skills as a nurse, research medical/nature/science, go on little side treks of research, and learn random topics for no reason. This showed me that I value learning and inquisitiveness.
I love art, crafts, music, my houseplants, writing, and trying all sorts of things in the kitchen–this revealed to me a creative side.
I especially love the peace and calm of simplicity and being mindful of the “little things.”
It was also helpful to identify the things that really irritate me: betrayal, when people reject truth, selfish people, people who do whatever they feel like doing in spite of others’ needs, unkind people, lazy/whiny people, and the super hectic life of running all over town being chaotic and busy.
2- The next thing I did was to study a few passages of scripture.
In particular, I briefly jotted down these themes from the book of Philippians: servant, caregiver, nurturer, fellowship, confidence in God, knowledge, wisdom, discernment, good testimony, blameless, magnifying Christ, lifestyle that reflects Christ, humility, selflessness, obedience to God, trust, pressing on to a goal with determination, contentment, guarding your thought life.
3-Finally, I thought of my favorite character of all time: Dory, from Finding Nemo.
She is my soulmate! I actually took time one day to write down different quotes from her that I love. Then, I wrote down characteristics that these quotes demonstrate:
DORY: Fun loving
Optimistic
Joyful
Friendly
Loyal
Goal-oriented
Caring
Kind
Just keep swimming!
“How do you know something bad isn;t going to happen? I DON’T- she just takes a “leap of faith”
“Disabled,” but joyfully lives life to the fullest-even if she forgot how she did it
Helpful
Humorous
4- Then I chunked all my brainstormed stuff into groups that seemed related.
Then, I highlighted the central theme of each chunk.
5- From there, you are supposed to determine the top 6-10, then further narrow them down to 5-6 words.
That is where I got a little lost.
I ended up with 6 groups with 3-5 words in each group. But, for me, felt like the individual words within the 6 groups were necessary for me because each one means a little different thing.
(Side note of duh: Also, as a Christian, I know that pursuing, showing, and sharing Christ should be a core value. But I just took that as the presumed foundation of it all. Like, if you make a list of healthy habits, it is probably a presumed foundation that your heart keeps beating or you breathe once in a while.)
So here’s what I came up with:
Servanthood/Others/Loyalty/Kindness/Compassion
Optimism/Joy/Fun/Humor
Learning/Inquisitiveness
Testimony/Wisdom/Trust and Obey (God)
Press On/Determination/Grit
Creativity/Nature/Peace
Again, this isn’t meant to be a “look at how put together my life is” type of thing. If you spend 5 minutes with me, that shaky facade will topple over because I can’t hold it that long. It is meant to help you see how one average person went about it, and then for you to go do it how it works for you.
Yours will be different because you are a different person,, and we all have different passions and traits and gifts.
Going through this exercise and taking a step back and viewing them together will help you formulate a mission statement for your life that can help you navigate your life into the direction you want to go.
This mission statement, along with my Core Values, has been helping me focus my energy and attention on what I want to do with my life. It helps guide daily choices, like I discussed in my previous post.
After you spend some time with this list, here are some ways you could further explore these ideas. Some day I’ll get to these. Maybe. If I have time:
Name your values and describe them with a statement or explanatory paragraph.
How does each of these values reflect the character of God?
What concrete actions can I take (or am I taking now) to live these values out?
Are there conflicts between these values and the ways I am currently living? What changes can I make?
Will we live all of these out, perfectly, 100 percent of the time? No, of course we can’t. But having them intentionally listed out gives us a guide for our daily choices.
It gives us that purpose in life that blesses others, helps us in times of difficulty, rut, or boredom, and can even protect us from depression and temptation.
So, let’s go, it’s PROJECT TIME!! I hope you will sit down and do an exercise similar to this. What were your favorite memories and experiences? What makes you happy? Where do you love to be? What character from a book or movie resonates with you? What themes do you see in the Bible?
Let me know if you decide to work on identifying your Core Values.
Thank you for reading!